she was so not down for the gang bang
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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