his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
