im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
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She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Boobs are out for the taking
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
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She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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