hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
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I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
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Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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