your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
