He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
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