apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
