Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
