My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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