I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
the liver wants what the liver wants
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
