dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
