he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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