So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Randomize
