I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
