She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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