1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
i was born a porn star she said
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I want her autograph on my taint
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
