I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
