Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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