i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
