I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
What a dumb baby whore.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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