i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
