Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
