Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
