Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So much rum. So many feels.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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