i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
