First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
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watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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