It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
