I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
