You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
