you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize