is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
