i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
