I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
