Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
