Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
They should really pass out barf bags in church
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
