So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
So many bounce houses so little time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
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