I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
