that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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