so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
