he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
