I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
