i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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