I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
My life is pants optional.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
