Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
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We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
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Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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