I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
