Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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