ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
