so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
