she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
