No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
whose parrot is this?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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