The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
