She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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