Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
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