Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
