Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
