I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
