Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
