Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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