tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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