I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
