I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I puked a lego.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
