you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i think i have two assholes
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
