Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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