i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
