I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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