You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
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