maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
