is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
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I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
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Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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