Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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