My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
We need to get me chipped asap
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
