2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
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How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
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Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize