so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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