I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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