She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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